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BE HONEST
When was the last time you were bored?
I mean truly bored. The kind of bored where you get restless. Weary. Apathetic. Lethargic. That uncomfortable feeling when you feel like you’re missing out on something + yet can’t muster up the energy to decide what that is.
I have to say - this stage of life is the first time since I was a kid that I have had the luxury of experiencing boredom.
Remember those times as a kid? Going to your mom + complaining - “I’m bored!”
I remember summers when my girls were small + I would stress about keeping them entertained all summer because I worked from home + needed to keep them busy so I could get my work done. Constantly staying one step ahead of boredom was a skill I honed during those years.
When I was in college, I majored in International Relations + hung out with a group of about 15 or so international students. We would meet up in the dining hall + try to come up with things to do outside of classes.
One of my friends was a guy from Barcelona, Spain. In his heavy Spanish accent, he lamented to our group, “I’M SO BORING!” I had to stop + correct him. He really meant to say “bored”, but he had trouble conjugating.
It took a while to break Manuel of this habit of calling himself boring. “Manuel, you have to stop telling people you are boring! You’re bored, not boring. There is an important distinction in these words.”
This story has such a special place in my memory that to this day, any time I seem bored, my husband stops + asks me, “Are you boring?”
It always makes me smile as I remember poor Manuel. Bored out of his mind with his life at school in the U.S. Always wanting something more. Never satisfied with just hanging out.
EMBRACING BOREDOM
Some people might find it surprising to hear that I actually get bored.
But, I do. Quite often.
It’s a fairly new phenomenon. I think it started once the reality of emptynesting set in. Like I said, I spent so much of my life making sure no one around me was bored. There was always someone to keep entertained. Or to keep ME entertained!
These days, I find myself having to figure out how to keep myself entertained. Or how to be okay WITHOUT being entertained. Trying to remember + reconnect with things that bring me joy + spark my own interest + enthusiasm.
Most people see me as a ‘busy’ person. I’m definitely active, but I wouldn’t say I’m busy. For every Instagrammable moment in my day, I have dozens of not-so-interesting moments. For every minute I run, I sit on my butt for 20. For every creative idea I have, I have countless brain mush moments.
Is this normal? I assume so?
Or maybe it’s not so normal. Maybe most of us have our days so packed that we don’t get those moments to recognize or practice boredom.
And, if we did, we sure wouldn’t admit it. Our culture leaves no space for boredom. There’s no honor in it.
CAN’T STOP. WON’T STOP.
I don’t know what amount of ‘boredom’ is considered normal or acceptable these days. Maybe none?
A couple from the U.K. recently moved into our building. We’ve been spending time with them + hearing them share how surprisingly different things are here in the U.S. compared to their life back home.
One of the differences we have discussed is our work culture. The constant hustle. The expectation to put in long hours. To always be accessible. The ‘always on’.
It’s relentless.
Adam Grant shared a tweet this week that caught my eye:
Working when you’re sick is not a symbol of commitment. It’s a symptom of a sick culture. In toxic workplaces, rest is a sign of weakness. You're expected to sacrifice yourself for your job. In healthy cultures, rest is a source of strength. Wellness is vital to doing your job.
After I shared this post on Instagram, a friend reached out to me:
“Isn’t this the truth? I had Covid and was forced to work from home because of staffing and someone said “Aren’t you glad you didn’t have to take time off?” Ummm no. I needed the rest.
Covid has definitely exposed this truth about our culture. Our addiction to the hustle. Rest as a sign of weakness.
Prior to the pandemic, when someone was sick, they still showed up for work. Now, we make them stay home. But - notice, neither scenario calls for a person to rest + recuperate. In fact, for many, working from home means working even longer hours.
THE BORING TRUTH
Of course, it’s easy to blame our employer, co-workers, kids + families for our busyness. But, it might have more to do with our own fear of boredom. Of being with ourselves. Having to listen to our own thoughts. Experiencing that restlessness. Finding ways to spark our interests. Allowing our creativity to express itself.
I probably don’t have to tell you about all of the studies showing how important boredom is. The calamity of raising children who don’t know how to be bored + need constant stimulation. Yet, here we are, afraid to practice it ourselves as adults.
Maybe you had a glimpse of boredom at some point during the pandemic. Personally, I would argue that we were even more over-stimulated during that time. Even with the lack of activities + social interaction, we found ways to busy ourselves. To deal with a constant entourage of fear + uncertainty. There was never truly a moment to relax + let our brains unwind + unplug.
Our brains need downtime. Open space. Boredom is an important part of the creative process. It’s where ideas come from. It’s how connections are made. It’s how problems are solved.
We need space for boredom. Yet, we live in a culture that demands our constant attention. If we don’t seek out + prioritize moments of boredom for ourselves, no one is going to do it for us.
So, I’ll ask you again.
When was the last time you were bored? Want to give it a try?
YOUR MISSION:
I challenge you this week to join me in practicing boredom. Summer is the PERFECT time to practice + we have a few weeks left! If you have kids or grandkids, practice with them. If you are on your own, practice with me.
Find somewhere to sit - preferably outside near water or grass or trees or simply laying on the ground staring at the sky. No earbuds. No music. No podcasts. No activity.
Let yourself unwind. Notice the scramble of thoughts in your head. Notice the restlessness in your body. Notice the things you see. The smells you smell. The air as you breathe. See if you can find a little boredom.
It might be slightly terrifying. Or it might be glorious. Either way, it is heading somewhere good. So, lean in.
I hope you will take a few minutes to review the resources I shared above - especially the video - TED Talk from Manoush Zomorodi. It will really inspire you to practice boredom because…boredom can truly lead to brilliance. And, who doesn’t want that?
Great article. I float in the pool to practice boredom.
Love that! I did some of that this weekend too. Perfect place to practice! 😜