Are you 'age-defying'?
The power of words
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THE POWER OF WORDS
As a woman in her 50’s who works in the skincare + cosmetics industry, I am especially aware of the language used around products targeted to my age group. “Anti-aging”, “Age-defying”, “Reversing”. The beauty industry is constantly changing its language to appeal to consumers + adapt to changing trends.
If you enjoy geeking out on this stuff, I included some great articles below about the evolution of these terms + the paradox of how our culture tries to look like it embraces the older woman, while simultaneously insisting she reverse aging + keep her youthful glow.
I try to avoid the word anti-aging when I talk about my favorite skincare line. I mean - why would we be anti-aging? Isn’t aging the goal?
Don’t we want to live a long life?
And yet, we have a bustling industry with all kinds of products + procedures to help us avoid aging - fight the signs, stop the clock + reverse time.
The older you get, the more you realize there is no ‘defying’ age. Time keeps ticking. Age is not something you fight. It’s something you experience.
Not gonna lie. I love it when someone meets me + is shocked to learn I have adult children. My oldest daughter turns 30 next year! I am still trying to adjust to that fact. So, when someone says, “You look too young to have kids that old,” it feels pretty darn good.
That said, that statement is pretty packed when you break it down. I look ‘too young’. My kid is ‘old’. Geesh.
Perhaps there’s a better way to communicate that thought? Maybe instead of saying, “You look too young to have kids that old”, we could say, “Wow! How did you get through parenthood + raising children + still be beaming with energy?”
I admit, that statement feels a little awkward as I write it, but it is still an improvement. It might also lead to a more valuable conversation.
My point is, if we really want to end ageism, we have to start talking differently about it. If we want to create a reverence + respect for older people, if we want to be celebrated for our age, we need to pay attention to our language.
FUN FACT: My bachelor’s degree was a double major in International Studies + Spanish with a minor in Political Science + a certificate in Translation/Interpretation. I think this is where my understanding of language + words took on a deeper significance. The nuances in translation + culture. Linguistics. Reading between the lines.
Words are powerful. They matter greatly not only in communicating with others, but in communicating with ourselves. In creating our story. Our perspective. Our reality.
The anti-aging, age-defying world we live in is more than just a cultural beauty trend. It’s not just industries trying to keep us from aging. (That’s certainly a part of the equation + worthy of a separate post.) WE are trying to keep ourselves from aging. Our own fear of aging has us actively seeking remedies to stay young + slow the clock.
But WHY? Why do we fear aging? (Again, we live in a world that creates + fosters this fear, but we’ll dive into that some other time.)
For most of us, I don’t think it’s the fear of looking old that haunts us. It’s that the word ‘old’ is now synonymous with broken down, debilitated, feeble, decrepit. We equate getting old with getting sick or declining health. We think getting old is a disease. We think getting old means becoming irrelevant. Invisible. A burden. We see getting old as a failure on our part.
As caretakers, we see firsthand how growing old these days is nothing to look forward to. We watch our loved ones succumb to disease or slow down or struggle to care for themselves as they age. We see how they feel left out or alone. We watch those ahead of us + assume the same path for ourselves.
It’s rare that you find someone these days who lives + thrives vibrantly into their final years. So - no wonder we all fear the idea of growing old!
THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG
I can’t tell you how many times I hear someone say, “It sucks to get old.” This phrase is part of our everyday venacular. But, which comes first? The chicken or the egg?
I’ll say it again. Words are powerful. We don’t realize how the words we use create our reality.
Think about it for a minute.
If we half-jokingly say, “Getting old sucks” as we get up slowly from sitting in a weird position for too long, we are reinforcing in our minds that time is the cause of the discomfort. And, since time is out of our control, there’s nothing we can do about it. We are simply the victim of time.
This kind of language also implies that the older we get, the more birthdays we have, the more signs of aging on our body, the worse things are. Instead of instilling a belief that we are growing + changing + experiencing new things leading to a better place as we age.
The fact that we are slow to get up after sitting too long is not the result of getting old. It’s the result of ignoring or abusing some part of our body. At some point, we pushed our body too far or didn’t move it enough. It was not age that caused our stiffness. It was inflammation or injury or lack of flexibility.
Rather than bemoan, ‘It sucks to get old’, we might make a more accurate + empowering statement as we stand up, “Wow, I am stiff! I probably need to do something about that.”
This is not the best example, but you get the gist of what I am saying.
WORDS MATTER
We can certainly call ourselves ‘old’ or ‘older’ or ‘aging’. But, age is a timeline, not a state of being.
We need to be more intentional + accurate in our language around ‘getting old’.
Age is not a disease. Getting old does not mean getting sick.
Getting old doesn’t suck.
Getting sick sucks. Getting slow sucks. Losing our stamina sucks. Pain sucks.
Brene Brown has a new book out right now called “Atlas of the Heart”. I love what she is doing in her work to help us communicate more accurately by expanding our vocabulary around emotions.
We need to take this same approach to aging. We need some new language. And, we need to recognize when + how we use language in a way that takes away our responsibility + opportunity to grow + improve.
Rather than blaming our age for every shortcoming, every ailment, we need to start being more accurate with our language. This will help in several ways.
We get honest. All change starts with the truth. When we stop blaming time + start being honest + accurate about the true causes - whether lifestyle choices, environmental exposures, etc. - we can start to address the true root causes of the ailments we commonly face as we age.
We start to remove the stigma around aging. When we stop telling ourselves + everyone around us that ‘getting old sucks’, we open the door to a different future. One that recognizes the wisdom of age + sees age as a positive. Something to respect + pursue. Not something to fear + defy.
We open ourselves to new possibilities. When we stop talking about aging as such a negative, it becomes less negative. We stop perpetuating the idea that ‘getting old sucks’ + that everything must stay the same. We empower ourselves to make changes to improve both the way we live + the environment we live in.
It all starts in our language + it’s one of the easiest things to change + improve.
One of my favorite quotes:
For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change. - Ingrid Bengis
YOUR MISSION:
I encourage you to check yourself this week. How often do you curse time? Catch yourself when you blame ‘age’ in a negative way for how you look or feel. Ask yourself how you can shift your language to be more accurate.
And, if all of this got you thinking, please leave a comment. Would love to hear your thoughts!
RESOURCES:
READ: The Ever Changing Business of Anti-Aging | The New York Times Magazine
READ: These Beauty Industry Buzzwords Will Be Huge This Year | Beauty Independent
READ: The Double Standard of Aging | Susan Sontag
READ: Age Defying | The New York Times Magazine
READ/WATCH: Atlas of the Heart | Brene Brown
LISTEN: Brene Brown Atlas of the Heart | Oprah Super Soul
IN SUMMARY:
If we want to change the way we think about aging, we have to change the way we talk about it. We can start to change the narrative around aging by speaking more openly + accurately about our experience. And, we can start to be more honest with ourselves about things we can do to disconnect the words ‘age’ + ‘disease’.
What would happen if you started to believe that aging was a gift? How would that change your vocabulary? Your actions?
See you next week?
Nice article and like your take on disconnecting age from disease! Aging is a privilege that some did not get the chance to enjoy and are missed. It is all about attitude!