Welcome to a new week!
Thanks for being here! I have a great story to share with you today. Something to carry with you into the week ahead. A little food for thought.
Welcome to The LIFT
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Headshots
I recently partnered with a new holistic wellness and waterless skincare brand that I’m super excited about - Oliveda.
If you haven’t heard of them yet, you will. They are exploding in growth right now because their products are so incredible.
One of the most challenging issues I have had the last couple of years going through menopause is extremely dry skin. After trying everything, I had almost given up on finding a solution when Oliveda came onto my radar. Within two weeks of using these products, my dry skin was a thing of the past. I was sold! I signed up as a brand advocate and am now a raving fan.
If you’re interested in checking them out, let me know. I’d love to help you find a couple new favorites to add to your routine.
Back to the story…
While the Oliveda brand is 20+ years old (based in Germany), they have only been in the United States for one year. So, to celebrate all their accomplishments and insane growth this year, they hosted a special anniversary event in Santa Monica last week and I got to attend.
Our team had a special pre-party event and a professional photographer was on hand for headshots. It’s been at least five years since I had a professional headshot, so I knew I should take advantage of the opportunity.
Sadly, I didn’t have time to do my hair and makeup before the event. In fact, quite the opposite. I had a full morning at home running around and getting ready to leave town. Then, I sat in the car all afternoon for the drive. When I arrived, I met up with some new friends and walked around Santa Monica. We got back to the hotel with just enough time to change our clothes and walk over to the venue.
I was feeling a bit haggard by then. Definitely not the best time for a professional photograph.
As we arrived, I really didn’t want to stand in line and have my picture taken, but again, why turn down the opportunity? Sometimes photographers do amazing things with their edits and touch-ups. Plus, I don’t often get dressed up. Most photos of me are in a running cap or a bicycle helmet. So, I joined my friends in line and let the photographer do her thing.
We were all laughing with each other as the photographer styled us in different poses. I felt like a Gumby doll as I followed her direction to stand in an awkward position. But, like I said, photographers often have a way of making you look better with the right angle and stance. So, I did what she said, had a good laugh and went on my merry way to enjoy the evening with everyone at the event.
Luckily, one of my friends captured a shot of me at the same time my photo was taken so I can show you what I really looked like because when the photos came back - they were more edited than I expected. In fact, in the process of editing, the photographer lost who I was.
Anyone who knows me in real life knows this photo does not look like me.
I am not sure exactly what she did in the editing process or what filter was applied, but…there’s a fine line between enhancing and erasing. And, this photo definitely erased me.
Which got me thinking about filters and beauty and what makes us…us.
BEAUTY FILTERS
We have all had fun playing with different photo filters. I remember when the Photo Booth application first became part of the Mac computer. It was such a novelty back then. Our family had so much fun laughing over different filters and poses while sitting in front of the computer together.
Fast forward to today. It’s amazing what filters and editing can do. I mean - seriously. You can turn back time and see yourself as a teen. You can turn time ahead and see what you will look like decades from now. You can fix your hair and teeth, put on some makeup and fake lashes - all without touching your body.
And, it can be fun. What’s the harm?
We know it’s not real. Or do we?
I think we are all starting to realize that there can be a downside to these filters.
Seeing ourselves (and others) through filters can have a negative impact on our confidence, body image and overall mental health.
It’s a slippery slope when we aren’t seeing our true selves. Before you know it, you’re trying to be some version of yourself that was never real to begin with. Or you’re comparing yourself to someone else - who isn’t real either.
Or perhaps, worst of all - you feel unseen. Invisible. Erased.
Measuring yourself against a filtered image that isn’t real just doesn’t work. We can’t measure ourselves that way. But, somehow we do.
I often joke that with each new version of iphone, the lens gets stronger and my face gets older. I really don’t need to see my face that clearly. Do our cameras have to be that high-res? I mean, it’s great for taking those crystal clear images of nature. But, when it comes to photos of myself? How I long for the days of low-res. (Luckily, my vision is not as sharp either. So, I have my own built-in filter. LOL.)
I really don’t want to see every pore and wrinkle in my face. I much prefer a softening effect. A light blur.
Which is interesting…
Why do we want to see every sharp detail when capturing a photo of a flower, but when it comes to our own face, we can’t stand to see that level of detail? Shows you how messed up we are, right?
I think filters are a great tool. Or they can be.
In my business, I try not to use them because I feel like it’s better to show my real skin. I want women to see what aging is really like. I think we need to see more unfiltered, real faces - especially of older women. For this reason, I will typically only use a filter if the lighting is too dark. Or, if I’m just trying to be funny.
But, I get it. Seeing your face on screen during a video call or while sharing something on social media can be very scary. That’s when a filter can be a great tool.
If applying a filter is going to make it easier for you to show up on screen and share your thoughts, then by all means, use one! I want to hear from you! I don’t care what you look like.
But, do be careful.
Don’t let a filter erase who you are. The real you.
IRL FILTERS
It’s the same thing in real life.
What happens when we apply ‘filters’ in real life? The lifts, tucks, injections, fillers, cosmetic procedures, etc.
It’s amazing how we can manipulate our looks with makeup, treatments and surgeries.
But, it is tricky, right?
Is it enhancing our physical and mental health or harming it?
I decided years ago when many of my friends were getting breast enhancement surgeries and Botox - to opt-out of all of that stuff. It wasn’t that I saw something wrong with it per se. It’s just that I’m always skeptical of our medical system and I know that any medical procedure carries some risk.
When weighing risks and benefits, my concern around these procedures is always - What if it makes it worse? What if something goes wrong? Will I regret this in the future?
As women, we are constantly faced with choices like this - compromises between health and beauty. So, to keep it simple for myself, I decided to save my risks for things that may prolong my longevity versus beauty. Not saying that’s the ‘right’ path, it’s just the path I’ve chosen so far.
I’m only 55 so I won’t pretend like I know what I’m talking about when it comes to aging. I hope to live long enough to experience several more decades of aging in this body. But I will say, I have been shocked at how much my body/skin, etc. have aged/changed just these last couple of years during my menopause transition. Gravity is real my friends!
I wish I had been a little more prepared for it. But, rather than dread or fear, I have really tried to create a mindset of curiosity and wonder around it all. Yes, things are sagging, but…what if I can start to see THAT as beauty? Could I put a filter on my mind instead of my eyes?
The truth is - we each have our own filter for the world. We see things our own unique way. No one looks at something and sees the exact same thing as someone else.
We have a filter for ourselves…usually our harshest critic filter.
We have a filter for others…our Judge Judy filter.
We filter everything we see through the lens of our own beliefs. And, our belief systems are all unique. While we may share some common beliefs, our collection of beliefs is as unique as our thumbprint.
Even so, we assume everyone see things the same way we do. We assume they are judging us the same way we judge ourselves.
We put a lot of energy into trying to convince people to see things our way or to defend the way we see things as ‘right’, rather than just accepting and acknowledging we are each a unique filter - and that THIS uniqueness is what makes us so important and valuable.
TRUE BEAUTY
We spend so much time trying to fight aging, turn back the clock and hold tight to our youth. But the truth is - the only real way to avoid aging is to die. Just sayin’.
We become more and more beautiful as we age.
THAT’S the filter we need to slap onto our life lens.
There is something so beautiful about aging. Don’t you think?
I remember that scene in the Barbie movie where Barbie compliments the elderly woman sitting next to her at the bus stop.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“I know it!”
Recognizing our own beauty…that is true beauty.
When I saw my filtered image, the one that erased me, I had a moment where I recognized my own beauty…the part of me that makes me me. Sometimes we can only see something after it’s gone.
This weekend at the event there was a magnificent tree in the courtyard. I have no idea how old it is, but it is beautiful and I could sense its wisdom.
There’s something beautiful about aging in nature. The strength. Fortitude. Resilience. Adaptation. Survival. Wisdom. Strength. Sacredness.
But, we don’t see that in ourselves.
Instead, we see loss - of health, cognition, mobility, purpose and value.
Age has become something we dread rather than celebrate.
We’ve created a world where you can live longer than ever before, but we haven’t figured out how to live ‘well’.
We spend so much time and money pursuing our own external preservation. Think of all the money you have invested in looking good throughout your life - hair, skin, nails, clothes. But, how much time have you spent making yourself ‘feel’ good?
What if we could shift our focus and filter onto feeling our best? Investing our time and money into learning how to optimize how we feel - physically, emotionally, mentally? And, how we feel about ourselves?
Feeling good brings vitality.
I was reminded of that this weekend. At the event, more than anything, I felt good. In my heart and soul. Energized. Light. Joyful. Accepted. Welcomed. Connected. Those are all life-giving emotions.
What if we spent just a little more effort on how we feel than how we look?
I’m not saying we don’t want to look good. We are allowed to express ourselves any way we see fit or we should be. That’s part of what beauty is…creative expression.
But TRUE beauty is in our uniqueness.
The thing that makes us beautiful is that we are the only one.
It is only in our uniqueness that we can be whole.
Because each piece is necessary to make the whole.
The puzzle of life isn’t complete without all of the pieces. The corners, the edges, the middle…each piece uniquely cut. One missing piece and it’s not a whole picture. Two pieces the same? That would ruin the picture.
What if we spent less time trying to look ‘beautiful’ and more time being our authentic, beautiful, unique selves?
And, what if in doing so, we made everything around us whole?
What if we all showed up without the blocks, the filters, the masks and costumes…and just gave freely from that innate and endless beauty that is us?
Each of us is unique in how we filter our world. What if we accepted that we are a filter. And, instead of trying to wear someone else’s filter, we saw the beauty in how we each see things just a little differently.
How beautiful is that?
YOUR MISSION:
This week, I challenge you to do something that makes you ‘feel’ good. Not a temporary sort of feel good - but that kind of ‘good’ that touches your soul. Maybe it’s getting out into nature. Maybe it’s a warm bath. Maybe it’s a heart-felt connection with someone you love. I promise, you will find your true beauty there.
RESOURCES:
READ: Death is the only way to avoid aging | Skyler Rose
READ: 6 Consequences of Social Media Filters, According to Experts | InStyle
READ: The Beauty of Embracing Aging | New York Times
WATCH:
IN SUMMARY:
Your uniqueness is your magic. And you are beautiful. More beautiful than you have EVER been. Right here. Right now. Each minute added to your life adds value to what makes you so special and what makes us all whole together. Don’t try to erase it.
See you next week?
Meanwhile, reach out to me anytime!
Karen Friend Smith
Certified Health Coach & Environmental Health Specialist
Specializing in Perimenopause & Menopause
karen@itmaybemenopause.com
www.itMayBeMenopause.com
Instagram: @itmaybemenopause
❤️ Karen, the fun pix just added to your normal beauty! Best of all though, is that your beauty comes from your kind and caring heart! DeAnne❤️