What is a good mom?
How to be better than good to mothers
Welcome to a new week!
Thanks so much for being here! This issue of The LIFT is being published on Mother’s Day. As you’re reading this, I’m heading up to my mom’s house to gather with my mom, sister and daughters. My family is pretty blessed to be able to celebrate this tradition in the way it was originally intended.
Do you know what that was?
Welcome to The LIFT
Let me know you were here by clicking the little ❤ , leaving a comment + sharing it with your friends! If you haven’t subscribed, click the “Subscribe Now” button below for a weekly pick me up. A new issue comes out every Sunday + will be delivered right to your inbox. You can read previous issues here.
APPEAL TO WOMANHOOD
I have read the history of Mother’s Day multiple times over the years, but somehow I always forget. Was it social activism for children? Sanitation? Peace? Sacrifice?
Where DID Mother’s Day come from?
Well, I did a little refresher for myself on the history of this national holiday. If you don’t already know it, I encourage you to read through the articles I share below in the Resources section.
Mother’s Day was started by someone who wasn’t a mother herself - Anna Jarvis. She started Mother’s Day to honor her own mother. She thought women should be recognized for the sacrifices they made for their children. She fought hard to make Mother’s Day a thing.
And, it worked!
Until it didn’t.
As hard as she worked to make Mother’s Day a thing, Anna Jarvis spent her later years fighting hard to get rid of Mother’s Day because she didn’t like the direction it had taken once commercialism and industry got a hold of it. Cards. Flowers. Candies. Gifts.
Oh, the plight of women. You win some. You lose some. Two steps forward. Two steps back.
THE BEST MOM
I have the BEST mother. Truly. She is an angel on Earth. Anyone who knows her knows this. So, it’s not that I’m biased.
I remember as a kid thinking, “I want to be just like my mother when I grow up.” And, in a lot of ways, I am.
She’s strong. Sensitive. Caring. Smart. Loyal. Protective. Determined. Growth-oriented. Resilient. Helpful. Forgiving. Open-minded. Resourceful.
I know not everyone gets a great mom.
My grandmother was another one of those angels on Earth. She was ALL of these same adjectives. Oh, and I forgot to mention, humor. Storytelling. Creativity. I see my grandmother in my mom, my aunt, my sisters and me.
As a mom myself, I am proud to carry these same characteristics. I want to be these things for my girls. But, man oh man…the older I get, the more I appreciate the fact that even what we might call a ‘terrible’ mother is still an incredible one.
MOTHER KNOWS BEST
Women are strong and fierce. You see it out there in the world - every day. Women standing up for what they believe. Protecting those they care for. Sharing what they have. Finding resources. Picking up the pieces. Doing what needs to be done. Even when it isn’t welcomed or appreciated. Even when it means embarrassment. Shame. Starting over.
Our culture wants to make women seem small and delicate, but women are unstoppable forces of nature.
We give it ALL.
And, when we don’t, we are ostracized.
In our culture, you are not considered a ‘good’ mom unless you give it ALL.
Every. Last. Drop. Of. Who. You. Are.
I honestly don’t think that’s what Anna Jarvis had in mind when she talked about honoring the sacrifices mothers make for their children.
I think being a good mother is not about being ‘good’ at being a mother. It’s about being a good human.
Being your best self, not your best standard. Setting a good example that others can follow. Fighting for what you care about. Letting go when it means peace and healing. Being willing to share your mistakes or to start over. Mending bridges when it means building a new path forward.
Being WHO you are, not who you think you SHOULD be.
Our Facebook and Instagram feeds this week will be filled with gorgeous images of mothers and their children celebrating Mother’s Day. “Good” Moms. Women who give EVERYTHING for their families and their children. Women who stand strong no matter how tired they are. How alone they might feel. How deep they might be hurting. How betrayed or scared they might be feeling.
And, we should honor them.
But not for what they DO for us. The sacrifices they make. Not for being selfless. But, instead for being their fullest version of SELF. Even when we don’t like that version of them.
We need to honor them for ALL of who they ARE.
Let’s find a way to do that today. You with me?
YOUR MISSION:
This week, I challenge you to notice the women who are doing hard things. Facing health challenges. Starting families. New businesses. Investing in themselves. Getting educated. Trying new things. Going through divorces. Starting over. Taking care of loved ones. Sharing resources and ideas that are not mainstream.
How can you honor them for who they ARE so they feel seen and valued?
RESOURCES:
READ: What is Mother’s Day | History
READ: The Forgotten History of Mother’s Day | Almanac
READ: Mother’s Day Proclamation of 1870 | Wikipedia
READ: What it actually means to be a good mom | Womanhood Unwrapped
IN SUMMARY:
Mother’s Day can be a sad day for many as they mourn their losses or try to keep up with expectations - let’s see what we can do to truly respect the women around us in refreshing and unexpected ways.
As a mother myself, I can tell you - it’s not about the flowers, the gifts or even the platitudes - it’s about being seen, feeling connected and knowing you are loved no matter what.
See you next week?
Meanwhile, reach out to me anytime!
Karen Friend Smith
Certified Health Coach & Environmental Health Specialist
Specializing in Perimenopause & Menopause
karen@itmaybemenopause.com
www.itMayBeMenopause.com
Instagram: @itmaybemenopause
Happy Mom’s Day Karen! Great article!