You don’t have to do it alone

The power of friendship

Welcome to a new week!

So glad you are here! I stole the title of this week’s LIFT from Mark Nepo’s newest book: You don’t have to do it alone | The power of friendship. I have always loved his writing. His words have a way of reaching right into the deepest parts of my soul.

I pre-ordered his newest book a while back and it published this week, so it is now sitting there in my Kindle waiting to be cracked open. I’m sure I’ll have more to share from it after I dig in, but yesterday, I was reminded of just how powerful friendship is - especially at this stage of life. It is probably our greatest asset - but one that we too easily discount or overlook as we scurry about our day.

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Welcome to The LIFT

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FINDING A FRIEND

When my oldest daughter was in 5th grade, I got a call from the principal’s office. She and one of her newer friends had been accused of bullying another girl. It was almost a laughable offense if you know my daughter. She was one of the most well-behaved students. To this day, the girl does not like confrontation of any sort. Same was true for the other supposed perpetrator. The accusation didn’t make sense, but still - both of us moms were called into the principal’s office for a meeting.

Of course, it turns out that the ‘bully’ in this situation was the one blaming everyone else for bullying. But, we talked it through and decided how to help prevent further issues down the road.

As we left that meeting walking back out to our cars, the two of us agreed that we should get to know each other because we realized that day that raising girls might be challenging in the years ahead. We knew middle school and high school were right around the corner. We didn’t know if our girls would be friends throughout the years, but we knew we might wish we were. We might wish we had a friend who knew us, who knew our girls. Someone to talk through the challenges with. Someone to navigate the drama with.

So, we set up a coffee date. We invited two other gals who were moms of a couple other girls to join us. And together, we created our own little bond as mothers.

Every month, for a long time, we would meet up for coffee or lunch. We would just catch up on life and touch base. As the girls got older and spent less time together, our dates got further and further apart. But still, we would somehow keep the tradition going. We witnessed a lot of life’s ups and downs together. A sort of sisterhood. Family even. In fact, two of the gals in our group are now in-laws as one son married one of the other daughters. Imagine sharing a grandchild with someone you used to have coffee with once a month.

This week, the four of us got together for lunch. It had been several years since our last visit. We caught up on our kids, their kids’ kids, spouses, partners, work, health, hobbies and passions. And, we all left feeling really good just to spend that time together reconnecting. So good that we immediately put another date on the calendar.

As I drove home from lunch, I felt a very deep appreciation for the friendship we share. A type of connection that only time and shared experiences can create.

Maybe you have friendships like that. Ones that have stood the test of time. The kind of friends you can just pick up with and carry on. The ones you can circle back around to at difference stages of life and enjoy the shared memories.

The older I get, the more I realize the power of these friendships.

And to think - if we hadn’t got called into the principal’s office that day, we might not be sitting here together 20+ years later.

You never know where a friendship is going to come from. Or how long it’s going to last. But life has a funny way of putting the right people on our path right when we need them. Even if we don’t realize it.

That same day, after lunch with the gals, my husband and I hosted a get-together with some other friends we haven’t seen in a while. These four guys started a software company together about 25 years ago. Last month, my husband finished up a year-long project of sunsetting that software for the company that now owns it. We decided to get together for a little ‘sunset party’.

Listening to the shared memories between these four guys and their spouses about the different offices, clients, co-workers and travel adventures throughout the years was pretty special. And, just spending time with people who have witnessed the different stages of your life and who see how the pieces fit together…it’s something so deeply valuable.

Loved ones help us find and refind the light that we carry.  Loved ones help us know and accept the truth in each other. (Mark Nepo)

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BEING A FRIEND

My middle name is Friend. It is actually my mother’s family name. And, I always say that I try to live up to my name - Friend. Some aspects of friendship I do well, others not so much. But, it’s something I’m always working on.

It’s not easy to be a true friend. It requires showing up. Over and over. It requires acceptance and letting go. It requires boundaries and vulnerability. It requires relaxation and discomfort. It requires listening and truth-telling. It requires honoring both connection and distance.

But, most of all, it requires recognizing that you don’t have to do it alone.

In our culture, we have fooled ourselves into thinking we don’t want people to see our frailty. We don’t want people to see where we hurt. We ‘tough it out’ and self-soothe, rather than accepting help and giving back.

We don’t let friendship seep into us deep enough to really see the value. Or to let it be of value.

This week, I saw the value of friendship in a powerful way. And, it’s something I want to spotlight and honor more in my life. I think we can always be a better friend. And, I think it’s a worthy goal - particularly in the second half of life.

After all I've been through, I can honestly say, I'd rather be a good friend than a saint.  I'd rather have my love be counted on than be brilliant. And I'd rather climb for the view together than dig for the truth alone. (Mark Nepo)

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YOUR MISSION:

This week, I challenge you to reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Give the gift of reconnection to someone in your life. Let them know they are on your mind and in your heart.

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RESOURCES:

• READ: You don’t have to do it alone | Mark Nepo

• READ: The essential ingredient of a friendship at 50? Show up | The Guardian

• READ: Why Friends Are Good for Your Health and Well-Being | AARP

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IN SUMMARY:

We spend a lot of time trying to eat healthy and exercise, but friendship is something we simply cannot overlook if we want to live healthy lives. There is so much science validating the connection between friendship and not only happiness, but health. I hope you’ll join me in trying to be a better friend, while also allowing new friends in. You don’t have to do it alone.

See you next week?

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Meanwhile, reach out to me anytime!

Karen Friend Smith
Certified Health Coach & Environmental Health Specialist
Specializing in Perimenopause & Menopause 

karen@itmaybemenopause.com
www.itMayBeMenopause.com
Instagram: @itmaybemenopause

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