Falling in love...again

and again...and again

Karen Friend Smith

Feb 11, 2024

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Welcome to a new week!

Yesterday was my half birthday. It was also the day I became a mom for the first time - 31 years ago. My oldest daughter celebrated her birthday yesterday and I was blessed to spend the day with her doing some of her favorite things. She is truly one of my favorite people on this planet.

The whole day tugged on my heartstrings and since Valentine’s Day falls this week, I thought I’d share some thoughts about love.

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WHAT IS LOVE?

As someone who has been married 32 years, it’s easy to take love for granted. I often forget that not all relationships last that long. It’s an extraordinary thing.

People often ask us, what’s our secret? And, we never know how to answer that.

The truth is, we are just very compatible. We enjoy a lot of the same activities, adventures, foods, people, etc. We share common values and care about the same things. And, we have created a life that we love - together. It probably also helps that we are both pretty agreeable. We don’t need to be right all of the time (just once in a while). lol.

multicolored heart candy — Photo by Maira Gallardo on Unsplash

Someone recently asked me if I think there is ‘one special person’ for everyone. And, my answer was no. I think there are lots of special people for everyone. Every relationship counts. We learn from all of them. Some last. Some don’t. We aren’t here to find that one special someone to spend our whole life with. We are here to find ourselves and to be our fullest expression. Every connection is part of that journey.

Of course, I could be totally wrong. But, I do think we attach ourselves to the idea of love sometimes in a way that keeps us from experiencing true love. And, there IS a difference.

Love can be a feeling that overtakes us. It can also be a conscious choice we make.

In our language, we use the same word for both, but they are two very different things.

The feeling is what guides us toward love. It comes and goes.

The choice is when we decide to invite it in to stay - to matter - to build our lives around it.

Do we make mistakes? Wrong choices? Maybe? Personally, I don’t think anything is a mistake as long as we learn something.

I do love that as a culture we are starting to realize that love comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. And ages. It doesn’t fit one particular standard. Nor should we measure it that way.

The best thing we can do if we want more love in our lives is to pay attention to those tugs and pulls we feel for our attention. Where are we drawn? Why are we drawn there? When do we shut someone down before we even get a chance to start up a conversation? When do we feel a spark in our lives, but talk ourselves out of it? How do we keep ourselves so busy and distracted that we don’t have space to let love in?

IT COMES AND GOES

There’s a reason why we call it ‘falling’ in love. Don’t you agree? We can’t help what we love. Nor can we force love where it isn’t. I realize this more and more as I age. I used to be able to force myself to do something I didn’t want to do. That is getting harder and harder to do these days.

That said, while we don’t have a lot of control, we do have a lot of choice. Just think about some of the times you have fallen in or out of love throughout your life.

When is the last time you fell in love?

I’m not necessarily talking about the head-over-heels romantic sort of love. There are so many ways we fall in love. With a person, sure. A partner or spouse. But also a child or grandchild. We often fall in love with a cause, project, topic, city, pet, sport, hobby.

I’m talking about the kind of love that captures your attention. Causes you to drop everything and shift priorities. The kind of love that pulls at your heartstrings. Fires you up. Makes you want to be a better version of yourself.

Okay, next question.

When is the last time you fell out of love?

Again, maybe with a person, but maybe with a job or a project, hobby, sport, city, cause.

Your obsession dissipates. You find yourself annoyed with things that didn’t used to bother you. You spend less time with it. You start dreaming about new things.

It’s weird, right? How we can love something or someone and then, not.

When is the last time you stopped love?

Meaning, when have you felt something stir in you, but you stopped it before it even began? You quickly convinced yourself that the timing wasn’t right or it just wouldn’t work out.

Do you ever wonder what might have happened if you had let it in?

When is the last time love stopped you?

You know, the time when you gave someone or something your all, but it didn’t love you back? When you poured love into something (or someone) that let you down, left you looking like a fool.

Does it still hurt in some way?

As I answer these questions for myself, I have to say that I have experienced a great deal of love in my life. The good kind and the kind you’d like to forget, but can’t. The same is probably true for you.

Love is a funny thing. It comes and goes, yet it’s always there.

YOUR MISSION:

This week, I challenge you to let a little love out, so you can let a little love in. Holidays like Valentine’s Day can be rough for a lot of people. See if you can share a few extra smiles or compliments when you are out and about this week. Give a little more than you normally would. You just might help someone open up to a little more love in their world. And, I can guarantee it will find its way back to you.