Promises. Promises.

Why keeping your word matters.

Welcome to a new week!

Thanks for being here! For showing up! It’s kind of cool that we do this every week, right? Show up here and connect over a few words and ideas. Take pause. Reflect. Refocus.

Maybe even have a new insight?

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Welcome to The LIFT

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RESISTANCE

As happy as I am to be here with you right now, when I sat down to write The LIFT earlier this week, I did NOT want to. I started several different topics, but I just didn’t want to finish any of them.

And next thing you know….it was Saturday.

Maybe I’ll just skip a week. Why not? Who would care? No one asked me to do this. It is not my job or responsibility to be here. It’s just a creative outlet. I could skip a week, right? Would you have noticed? Would you wonder where I was and why I didn’t show up?

I have been consistently showing up here with The LIFT for 2 1/2 years now! (For some of you, you have done the same. Shown up here every week for 2 1/2 years now! That’s pretty amazing!)

This whole ‘project’ started as a way to get back to writing.

There is something magical about the process of sitting down in front of a blank page every week to let my thoughts untangle into something more meaningful and simple that can be helpful to someone else.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Some weeks are easy and effortless. Others are a struggle. And I love being a witness to the whole process. 

Steven Pressfield talks about the idea of ‘resistance’ - something every writer knows very well. It’s that energy that shows up to wrestle with you in the creative process. That voice that tells you the work doesn’t matter. That YOU don’t matter. 

The only job of the resistance is to keep you from doing the work. (Or is it? I’ll come back to this because I think there’s more.)

When resistance shows up, it’s easy to just say ‘Forget it!’ But the magic happens when you show up anyway. When you face the resistance and find your way through. 

That said, sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the voice of resistance and your own voice. They sound a lot alike sometimes.

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OBLIGATION

When I was debating about whether I could skip publishing The LIFT this week, was that me avoiding the resistance or was it me honestly just not wanting to do it? I mean, no one should go around doing stuff they don’t want to do if they don’t have to - especially if it’s a creative outlet.

But, here’s the rub…

I said I would publish a new issue every Sunday, so I feel like I am obligated to show up whether I really want to or not. 

So was I wrestling the resistance or was I wrestling with myself and my self-imposed promise to show up?

There’s a big difference between doing something hard because you want the experience of doing the hard thing versus doing the hard thing out of obligation or fear of letting someone (or myself) down.

Am I here to write for the love of writing or to fulfill some obligation I have created for myself? 

That’s an important question. 

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TRUTH

I’ve always been one to keep my word. Friends know that about me.

If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I show up.

If I say I’m NOT going to do something, I don’t. I follow through. 

Of course, I’m not perfect by ANY means. And when I do fail to follow through on something, I feel terrible about it. 

Somewhere along the way, I adopted the belief that keeping your word matters. 

If you can’t keep your word, why would I listen to anything you say? 

I think I learned this from my kids.

As a parent, I remember when I realized the importance of follow-through and keeping promises.

It’s so easy to throw around promises to your kids - whether threatening to take something away if they don’t obey you or promising to do something when you say you will. Or even the unspoken promise of making sure you are living by the same code you are holding them to. 

It’s a slippery slope for a lot of parents. Kids are smart. They know when you are promising something you have no intention of delivering on. 

It’s also the slippery slope we live in these days as it seems no one really keeps their word about anything. 

And, I get it. It’s HARD to keep your word. Things change. You change your mind. Stuff happens.

So, what’s the harm in just letting it go and moving on?

Nothing.

And…

Everything. 

Looking back, with my kids, I never wanted to make a promise I couldn’t keep, so I rarely promised them anything. When I did, I followed through. My kids knew my words were never empty promises. They were tangible things.

I realize now how important that was. 

There’s something about keeping your word that matters. 

And, the best way to keep a promise is to be careful not to over-promise.

As they say - under-promise and over-deliver.

It’s also important to be clear in your communication about any promise you DO make - especially if changes come up along the way that might impact your delivery on that promise. 

But, delivering on a promise should never feel like an obligation. That’s just a sign that you’ve promised too much or that it’s time to examine your promises and consider some changes.

Maybe that’s the lesson for the week.  

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RESOLVE

I will say sitting here and working through the resistance instead of just not showing up today has helped me realize something important about myself and my promises. 

I don’t have to be here every week. I choose to. Not because I’m obligated to be here, but because words matter to me. And, I promised myself to show up and wrestle the resistance every week. Rain or shine.

I mentioned earlier that the only job of the resistance is to keep you from doing the work - but…that’s not true at all.

The resistance is there to help you DO the real work - to cut through the crap and get to the truth about who you are and why you’re really here.

So, while this wasn’t at all what I had outlined to write about this week, here I am showing up to keep my promise. To you. And to myself. 

Because for me, words matter.

But, what matters MORE than words is showing up. Because if you don’t show up, the words don’t even exist.

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YOUR MISSION:

This week, I challenge you to take a closer look at that thing that shows up as resistance for you - that thing that keeps you from following through on your promises to either yourself or others. Is the resistance there to stop you or is it there to help you get back on track? Are you willing to do a little wrestling with it?

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RESOURCES:

• READ: The War of Art | Steven Pressfield

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IN SUMMARY:

It’s always good to examine the promises we make to ourselves and to others. Are we keeping our word? Are we promising too much?

It’s also good to think about our motivation. Are we acting out of obligation? Or are we letting resistance get the better of us? 

Either way - it’s a new week and we get to decide.

See you next week?

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Meanwhile, reach out to me anytime!

Karen Friend Smith
Certified Health Coach & Environmental Health Specialist
Specializing in Perimenopause & Menopause 

karen@itmaybemenopause.com
www.itMayBeMenopause.com
Instagram: @itmaybemenopause

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