Today is Mother’s Day + while we are not all mothers, we all have one. I hope this little story from my world helps you see your mother a little differently + gives you a new perspective on the various roles we all play in this crazy thing we call LIFE.
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THOUGHTS FROM INSIDE MY HAT
I have worn many hats in my lifetime. You probably have, too. I’ve been thinking a lot about those various roles + personas lately as I have been shifting everything in my life – from my living environment to my work environment to my social environment.
A little backstory.
A couple of years ago, my husband + I moved from one city to another. Only 18 miles away, but still, a different city. In this move, we traded our 3BR / 3BA suburban lifestyle for a 1BR / 1BA high-rise lifestyle, complete with off-the-hook amenities + a dash of luxury.
After 26 years of suburban, family-focused living, this idea of urban, luxury living + empty-nesting was totally new to us. We were ready to dive in head first + try something different.
Another thing you have to know to fully appreciate this story is that I found a bald spot on my head. About six months before our move, I noticed a little round bald spot on the top of my head. The size of a small button.
And yes, that bald spot kind of freaked me out. Was this a sign of illness? Why was my hair falling out? Was I going bald? Is this menopause?
But, after some thought + conversation with my hairstylist, we realized this bald spot was created by the running cap I had been wearing. The button on the top of the cap sat just over the bald spot.
You see, I had been training for a 50K endurance race for months + I had been so concerned with keeping my hat pulled down tight to protect my face from the sun that I didn’t realize it was actually rubbing a bald spot into my head!
Which, brings me back to my original story.
One night, our youngest daughter (23 years old) was visiting us at our new place + we were hanging out in our new resort-style jacuzzi when she made a comment to the effect of - ‘This is the NEW YOU, Mom!’
She was referring not just to my surroundings, but to the fact I was allowing myself to actually enjoy them. She was witnessing a new me - my more carefree + spontaneous attitude, my willingness to not overthink things, my ‘live in the now’ mentality.
Hearing her comment, my first reaction was to deny it entirely. In fact, I tried to debate it with her. You see, I don’t feel like any of this is a NEW me. It’s more like an OLD me. Or a ‘me’ that has been on the back burner for the last few decades while I made family my focus. It’s like a part of me that has been ‘laying low’ that can now live freely with less consequence.
That said, the whole conversation stayed with me in the days that followed. It made me realize that for her, this IS a NEW me. She’s never known me as anyone other than that role of mom that I was already playing when she came along. The woman who was always on her toes. Always looking ahead + down the road. Forever cautious + careful. The one who always tried to stay one step ahead + on guard. To keep things in line.
The ‘mom hat’ is a hat I have been wearing so long that this young woman who has known me her ENTIRE life has never seen me without it.
It really is like a ‘whole new me’!
It also made me think about my running cap. A cap that while it was serving the purpose of protecting my face, was simultaneously leaving a bald spot on my head – one that may or may not ever be repaired.
Was my ‘mom hat’ the same way? Serving a role, but perhaps leaving a bald spot behind? Maybe worn a little too long or a little too tight? Could I have worn it differently? More loosely? More balanced? Another style?
And, what would have happened if I had kept wearing it, rather than being willing to take it off for a while + let my hair down at this stage of life? How big would that bald spot have gotten?
Much like that bald spot on my head, I feel like all of these changes are exposing a small patch of baldness in my life. A little worn patch that I hope grows back.
Although, I am also just fine if it doesn’t. Because every time I see it, it reminds me of what happens when we do the same thing day in + day out. When we cling too tightly. When we don’t explore different angles + allow ourselves a bigger variety of styles. When we forget to take our hat off + let our hair down.
HATS OFF
I am so grateful to have this stage of life + get to share it with my daughters so they can get to know these other parts of me.
The part of me that is spontaneous + carefree + playful. The part that lives more in the present moment + is slower to project out into the future. The part that slows down for sunsets + sunrises. The part that enjoys adventure + goofiness. The part that loves breaking the rules + questioning everything.
If you live long enough, you get the chance to play a lot of roles + wear a lot of hats. But, it’s important to remember, it’s just a hat. Just one expression of yourself.
It’s also important to remember that there are some people in our lives that we think we know. But, we have only seen them in one hat. In fact, we don’t even realize it is a hat because we have never seen them without it.
Maybe those are some thoughts to explore this Mother’s Day.
Have you ever seen your mom as someone other than your mom? Maybe she has a little bald spot from her ‘mom’ hat? Are you helping her explore new versions of herself? Trying on new hats? Healing any bald spots?
And, if your mom is no longer with us, maybe you can send a little love her way today as you think about the new hats she might be wearing right now.
Happy Mother’s Day.
YOUR MISSION:
I challenge you this week to check for bald spots - not literally, but where in your life have you rubbed out new growth? Is it time for a new hat? Or, how about no hat?
IN SUMMARY:
It’s always a good idea to take off your hat + let down your hair. I think if we all did that a little more, we just might be better off. Maybe, we should all spend less time in our hats + more time simply being our true selves in all of the roles we play.
See you next week?
Meanwhile - you can read thru the archives here. And, please reach out to me anytime!
Email: karen@itmaybemenopause.com
Instagram: @itmaybemenopause
Oh man! That was so good! I can absolutely relate to becoming a new me once my youngest was old enough to drive. And it wasn’t so much about the new found freedom, although that was a part of it. Around the same time I discovered personal development and took a beautiful, deep dive into rediscovering me. It’s been a blast!
Great piece, Karen! I’ve been an empty nester (off and on) for six years. That new hat fit me right away and I love wearing it (with my mom hat tucked inside of course...do we ever really take that one off?). But a year ago I retired from my day job and sometimes I feel very hatless, which makes me uncomfortable. I love it, but often feel guilty having all this freedom and letting my hair down. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy this “whole new me!”