Thoughts about downsizing

Reflections from our empty nest

I hate to start with bad news, but if you were here last week, you remember the bald eagle nest. Ya’ll. I was obsessed! I couldn’t wait to see those eggs hatch.

The cameras were down for a few days during those storms last week, but once the snow cleared + the cameras were back online, it became clear the two eggs in the nest were never going to hatch.

The eagles started spending less + less time in the nest. Eventually, the ravens came + cleared it out.

I’m not gonna lie - I mourned. Still am.

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EMBRACING THE EMPTY

A few years ago, my husband + I left our own empty nest. Our girls had flown the coop. They were each living nearby + thriving on their own. We were sitting in our 3BR / 3BA house thinking about what we wanted next in our lives.

Many of the reasons we lived where we did were for the sake of our girls. Being close to school. Having all the bedrooms. Now that they were gone, commuting seemed ridiculous. The empty rooms seemed wasteful.

We started looking around + when a brand new high-rise opened just one mile from my husband’s office, we HAD to check it out. Right away, we knew this was it. Our next move.

And, so began what we called #projectdownsize.

To be honest, we had been working on it for years. We didn’t know what it would look like, but we were moving that direction. Now, we had an official deadline + a game plan.

We had 90 days to go from 2400 sq. ft. to 800 sq. ft.

It was a massive, yet cathartic process.

We went thru every room, every closet, every drawer, every box, every crevice. We purged. We hand-picked what we wanted to keep. We let go of everything else.

Keep in mind, our daughters had already moved out + were on their own. They had already taken what they needed from our house. Still, we had an entire closet filled with office + school supplies. We had a garage filled with tools + gadgets + hardware. We had TOO many nail clippers + staplers + kitchen gadgets. TOO many coffee mugs + dishes + picture frames.

It was endless.

SO MUCH STUFF!

As we sat in our two folding beach chairs in the empty living room the night before we moved, we were so proud of what we had accomplished. Suddenly, the ‘empty nest’ felt like a monumental success, something to celebrate, rather than mourn.

As always - perspective is everything. It felt like a fresh start. A new adventure.

A friend recently reached out to me because she + her husband are considering a similar move. She is just a bit younger than me. Mother of two. They raised their kids in the house they live in, so it holds countless memories that are hard to let go of.

She wanted to know if we had any regrets or any wisdom to bestow from our experience of downsizing + moving.

As I thought about the bald eagles this week, who had spent so much time sitting on those eggs…only to find they were sitting there for no reason, it made me reflect back on this conversation.

Here are some of the thoughts I shared with her.

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Was it hard to downsize?

We downsized EXTREME. Going from a 3BR / 3BA suburban house to a 1BR / 1BA high-rise apartment is a huge change. So yes, it was hard. It was major. But, we love doing projects together + that's how we treated it.

It was a project.

We outlined it. We mapped it out. We had spreadsheets + meetings + status updates.

We gave ourselves enough time. We did it in stages. We actually 'shut down' our home room by room. Stopped using the space, emptied it out + moved to the next room until we were down to exactly what we were taking with us. 

We identified a couple of cabinets in the kitchen that had the same amount of space we would have in the apartment. We started living out of just those cabinets. The exact number of dishes, coffee mugs, pots, pans, etc. We did the same thing in the bathroom. The closet.

Everything else had to go.

We started with the junk. Got rid of things we didn't want anymore + knew we weren’t going to take with us.

Next, we moved to stuff that simply wasn’t going to fit. We sold a lot of this stuff. We gave away a lot of this stuff.

Then, we moved to the personal stuff. That stuff takes the longest. I had saved all kinds of things from when the girls were little, businesses that we had, awards, articles, letters + photos.

There's a LOT of emotion in that process. Remembering various stages, letting go of things, taking pictures of things you want to remember. Deciding what you truly value + want to take with you.

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Was it worth it?

We didn't just downsize in terms of size - although this move required getting rid of all non-essentials. We treated our downsizing project as a gift to our children. We went through our stuff in a way that if we were to die tomorrow, they would not be burdened having to go through our stuff. Most people wait until their 80s to get around to that. We decided to do it early. (Who knows we may have to do it again at some stage.)

While we thought we did it for them, it turns out, we are the ones who have benefited the most. Being forced to go through all of our stuff + come to terms with letting go was wildly freeing. I didn’t even realize what I was holding onto until I went through the process of letting it go.

Today, I love knowing exactly what we have + where it is. We have what we need for the things we enjoy doing. We use what we have + it's all perfect for our lifestyle.

Living this way frees up so much time + energy. It’s given us the bandwidth to explore new interests + form new friendships. It’s also allowed us to reassess what matters most to us. To look at our daily habits + rethink how we do things. Change things up.

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Do you have any regrets?

Regrets? No. We look back at the years our girls were growing up (our community, house, etc.) as VERY fond memories. We LOVED every minute of it + yes, there are times when you 'miss' it because you can never go back. But, I describe it as a warm, fondness - not a regret or something missing. It was a chapter we loved.

Looking back at what we would have missed if we had stayed where we were - makes us so grateful we took the leap. These last few years have been incredible for us personally - helping us remember who we are outside of our role as parents.

We got married at 23 and had our first kid at 25. So, we never really had the time to be a couple....or to be young adults. We are having so much fun right now enjoying our health + exploring our interests. I think it has benefitted our girls, too, because they are seeing us explore another side of ourselves.

If you decide to downsize after your kids leave home, you will definitely have moments of longing + fondness for the past. But truthfully, I think you will have that even if you stay in the same place. It's never the same after your kids leave home. 

A new adventure like moving can be a great distraction - a chance to explore + rethink things in a way you wouldn't if you stayed in the same spot. 

That said, you have to ask yourself those tough questions.

Having your kids grow up + watching your role change + going thru perimenopause…it's a big transition time in life. Sometimes too much change all at once is not a good thing. Some people do better staying in a familiar spot for big life changes. Other people prefer some adventure. Either way, you have big changes ahead.

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Any words of wisdom?

When it comes to downsizing, I don’t think you can make a wrong choice. You can stay in one spot in the family house for as long as you can pull it off, saving + collecting your mementos. Or you can downsize + try something new.

There is no wrong choice. They are just different paths. You get to decide. But, whatever you choose - go all in. And have fun with it. That's what life is ultimately all about.

Don’t get stuck trying to 'hold on' to things or places. It's a lot of work + you can't resist change.

Either way - a chapter is closing, but I can't tell you how much fun it is to watch your kids grow up + figure stuff out. You will love the next chapter. It's a good one! So, put yourself in the position to have the freedom to enjoy it - whatever that looks like for you.

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YOUR MISSION:

As we emerge from winter, most of us get an urge to purge. Spring cleaning is on our minds. Nature knows that we have to get rid of the old to make room for the new.

You don’t have to move or disrupt your life to do a little ‘downsizing’. No matter what stage of life you are in, this is a great time to remove some clutter. Look at your projects. Your piles. Let go of some things. Make room for something new.

What will you let go of this week?

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RESOURCES:

• READ: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter | Margareta Magnusson

• READ: You’re gonna die someday | The LIFT

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IN SUMMARY:

It’s also a great time of year to wrap up any unfinished projects. Do it now before spring hits. You’ll be glad you did! (I’m speaking to myself here. LOL!)

Hey - if you have any questions or topics you’d like me to share here in The LIFT, let me know. Hit reply or shoot me a message. I’ll be here getting ready for spring!

See you next week?

Meanwhile - you can read thru the archives here. And, please reach out to me anytime!

Email: karen@becounter.com
Instagram: @redefiningkaren

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