A rant against self care

Time to clean up our language

Do you know why I call this newsletter The LIFT? I mean - sure - it’s about giving you a little lift as you start the new week. But - it’s SO much more than that.

At our age, women have A LOT of things we want to LIFT. (Am I right?) But, today, I want to talk a little bit about a fuzzy line we walk these days (maybe tightrope is a better word).

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THE WIDENING GAP

Working as a clean beauty advocate for the last six years has been very eye-opening for me. I touched on this a bit in my previous post about the cost of beauty. But, I’d like to take you a little further down the rabbit hole for a moment.

We already know women earn less than men. We are currently sitting at about 82 cents for every dollar. Hey, it’s progress over the course of my lifespan. I think it was 75 cents when I was in college. But geesh - I’m 53 years old. You’d think we could have closed that gap by now? 

Okay, maybe the pay gap is shrinking ever so slowly. But you know what is NOT shrinking? The beauty industry + our spending in it.

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash

I remember my aunt and grandma going to the hairdresser every week when I was little. They had a standing appointment. For a period of time - that was how you got your hair done. No one really does that anymore with all of the tools we have at our fingertips at home. But, we do a lot of other things these days.

I remember my early salon experiences. It was so exciting when I finally got my first hair salon perm and then my first highlights. And then, somewhere during high school ‘fake nails’ became a thing. Not long after that, it was common for most hair salons to have a nail station where someone was ‘doing’ nails.

Fast forward to today.

Now, you get your hair done in one salon + your nails in another. Separate salons with separate services.

But wait! There’s more!

Did I mention the tanning salon? The waxing studio? Or how about eyelashes? The blow out bar? And then, there’s all of the medical spas with injectables, lasers + other treatments. 

You could literally spend an entire day going from appointment to appointment to ‘take care of yourself’ + all of your beauty ‘needs’. 

Of course, each of these treatments costs money. I don’t even know how much of our 82 cents on the dollar we spend. It’s a lot though.

And yes, I know plenty of men spend a lot of money on services like these too, but traditionally women spend more. And, we’ve already covered the fact that men tend to earn more.

So - we earn less + we spend more just so we can be out in the world earning our 82 cents on the dollar.

Just this thought alone is frustrating enough to me - a female Gen Xer + mother of two daughters.

But here’s where I get really frustrated.

THE FAUX FIX

I have watched this industry explode during my lifetime - from the neighborhood hair salon to every type of salon + service you can imagine.

That’s one thing.

But even more disturbing is that during this time, I’ve watched women make a shift to where beauty treatments are seen as ‘self care’. 

We do. Right? Think about it.

How many times have you or someone you know said something to the effect of “I worked hard. I deserve to treat myself to this <insert name of service>.”

We see our time at the salon as ‘me time’. It’s a ‘well earned treat’. A much deserved reward. Self care.

That’s how it was sold to us. And, quite frankly, it worked!

Photo by Feeh Costa on Unsplash

HERE’S THE PROBLEM

Those hair treatments, nail treatments + skin treatments are often loaded with harmful ingredients. One could argue these treatments are the exact opposite of self care.

As research increasingly points to a link between environment and health, leading health authorities have warned of the impact of chemicals on cancer risk, endocrine disruption, and reproductive harm.

And yet, we see beauty services as a ‘treat’ to ourselves. As a way to reward ourselves for all of the giving, caretaking + sacrifices we make on a daily basis. Rewarding ourselves = compromising our health. See the problem?

On top of that, these services are often a way for us to ‘fix’ something about ourselves that we don’t like.

How is that self care?

So, not only are we spending more of our income on beauty than our male counterparts (again, a generalization) - somewhere along the way we tricked ourselves into thinking self care is something we let someone else do to us - without even considering the impact to our health. (Okay, we didn’t trick ourselves exactly, but hang with me for a minute.)

According to the dictionary:

Self care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.

To preserve or improve one’s own health. (Notice it says ‘health’, not ‘beauty’.)

Meanwhile, cancer + other disease rates continue to climb. Breast cancer. Ovarian cancer. Auto-immune diseases. Thyroid disorders. Endometriosis. Ya’ll — we are removing women’s body parts - breasts, uterus, ovaries - to fight this stuff!

Researchers estimate that exposure to toxic chemicals is responsible for nearly $80 billion in annual health care costs, including a loss of productivity in the workforce from lost IQ points.

Such studies are far from comprehensive; the real toll of exposure to toxic chemicals is likely far higher.

ENDOCRINE DISRUPTION Endocrine disruptors (EDCs) are toxic ingredients which interfere with proper functioning of the endocrine system. EDCs have effects on male and female reproduction, breast development and cancer, prostate cancer, neuroendocrinology, thyroid function, metabolism and obesity, and cardiovascular endocrinology.

FERTILITY/REPRODUCTIVE ISSUES Difficulty in conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy affected 40% more women in 2002 than in 1982.

CANCER The statistics are alarming: in the United States, one in three women and one in two men will develop cancer in their lifetime.

And, don’t get me started on the medical field + the gender bias in medical research - as historically, medical research has excluded women.

Because of the personal care products we use + beauty services we frequent, women are disproportionately exposed to chemicals of concern. You can also factor in the fact that many salon workers are female.

If this is self care, we need a new definition.

THE IMPERFECT RESOLUTION

I share this not because I want you to feel terrified or guilty when you go to your favorite salon for treatment. Believe me. In fact, I found myself sitting in a salon chair just this week with foils on my head + Lord only knows what chemicals painted onto every strand of my hair. And, I’ve been doing this with some regularity most of my adult life. 

I share these thoughts because I believe women deserve a tremendous amount of self care. We truly do. Women give SO much to others. We 100% deserve special treatment - physically, mentally + emotionally. 

And, we need to be careful we don’t allow our world to have us equate ‘beauty services’ with self care.

By definition ‘self care’ is NOT:

1. Something someone else does for us or to us.

2. Something that harms us in the long term.

3. Something designed to ‘fix’ what is ‘wrong’ with us.

WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER

Women are asked to compromise their health in the name of beauty every day. It’s part of our culture. And these are very real choices we have to make as women.

But, the idea that ‘beauty’ treatments are ‘self care’ - it’s becoming very pervasive. And, I would love to see us take some action to put a halt to it.

Just last week, the building we live in hosted a ‘self care’ night. Take a look at the invitation.

See what I mean? Botox, champagne + appetizers. None of these things are anything equated to ‘self care’. None of these nourish our bodies or preserve/improve our health. If anything - they likely do the opposite.

This is an exaggerated (but very real) example, I know. But you get the point, right?

Here’s another example.

This is what you see while you sit in the lobby at my dermatologist’s office for your annual skin check.

You can’t even go to the dermatologist these days without being bombarded with solutions to combat aging + ‘treat’ yourself to younger looking skin. To ‘own your look’. SERIOUSLY?

So many women I know rely heavily on their dermatologist’s advice when it comes to skincare. And yet, look what they are selling. Is this self care (aka preserving health)? It’s worth a pause to think about it.

TIME TO CLEAN UP OUR LANGUAGE

Okay, I admit. This whole rant is very much a matter of semantics. But, I hope you see my point. We need to be very careful how we use the word ‘self care’ because it is something very important to our well-being.

Words are powerful. And these two little words (self care) have been hijacked by an industry that thrives off of our very real need for care of self.

It has been said, ‘words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.’ It’s time to be more careful about how we use the words ‘self care’.

Two Steps to Better Self Care

STEP 1: We gotta understand the true exposure.

The reason I got involved in the clean beauty movement as an advocate is because I was shocked to learn about the lack of regulation. I had no idea that we haven’t had any major updates to Federal legislation in this industry since 1938! I had no idea that harmful ingredients are allowed in the products we put on our skin every day.

I also knew if I didn’t know this - there were plenty of other women who didn’t know it either. That’s why I’m out here raising a fuss over it!

The more I started learning about ingredients, how products come to market, women’s health, the health concerns among salon workers + the BIPOC community, the more I knew I had to be involved in raising awareness + impacting change.

STEP 2: We gotta stop calling beauty treatments ‘self care’.

We live in a world that expects a lot of us as women. Perhaps one of the biggest expectations is that we are expected to maintain our beauty (aka ‘youth’) the entire span of our lives - in sickness + in health, for richer + for poorer, til 'death do us part’. (Wait, I thought those were wedding vows?)

This cultural practice of ‘beauty preservation’ is NOT the same as ‘self preservation’ or health preservation.

Self care is a practice we do for ourselves that preserves + protects our health - physical, mental + emotional.

Battling the Confusion

I totally understand the confusion. I can’t tell you how good it felt to sit in the salon chair + freshen up my color. (My stylist gives the most amazing scalp massage!) And, there was definitely a skip in my step as I walked out of the salon with my shiny, sun-kissed hair. You know the feeling.

But - that was not ‘self care’ - that was ‘beauty maintenance’.

That said, I did wrap a little ‘self care’ around my salon visit. I stopped at a juice bar before my appointment + treated myself to the most delicious green smoothie. After my appointment, I took a walk on the beach because it was such a gorgeous day.

Being in nature, taking time to yourself, relieving stress, fresh veggies - these are all great ways to care for self.

Women are responsible for over 85% of consumer spending. We have so much influence as consumers. Industries know this + they work hard to provide ‘solutions’ to our ‘problems’. It’s always going to be a battle to stay ahead of the latest marketing effort.

But, let’s make the fuzzy line between ‘self care’ + ‘beauty maintenance’ more clear between us as women. Let’s help each other ‘preserve + protect our health’.

Let’s spend time helping each other find safer alternatives, sift through the jargon, ask our medical professionals tough questions, protect the health of our salon workers.

And - let’s help each other more accurately define ‘self care’ so we can inspire each other with creative ways to practice being good to ourselves, filling our tanks + enhancing our well-being inside + out.

Let’s LIFT the veil on beauty as ‘self care’. The more we can catch ourselves doing this, the more we can stop ourselves from falling into the trap - the trap that beauty is a treatment we earn + pay for. When, in fact, beauty is something we exude. And, it shines through when we nourish ourselves with true care of self.

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YOUR MISSION:

I challenge you this week to explore your own definition of self care. How do you care for yourself? Where have you confused self care for beauty services designed to ‘fix’ or transform something? If that’s not self care, what is? Where have you traded time in a salon chair for time with yourself? What does self care mean to you?

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RESOURCES:

• READ: The Average Cost of Beauty Maintenance Could Put you Through Harvard | Byrdie

• READ: And Just Like That…Carrie’s Back! Sarah Jessica Parker Opens Up About a Grand Return | Vogue

• READ: Skincare Should Not Have to Be Scary | The LIFT

• READ: The Cost of Beauty | The LIFT

• READ: Cosmetic Market Size to Hit $415B | Global Newswire

• READ: Beauty Culture is a Public Health Issue | The Unpublishable

• READ: Gender bias in medicine and medical research is still putting women’s health at risk | The Conversation

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IN SUMMARY:

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE a good beauty treatment as much as the next gal. And, I’m certainly not saying you should feel bad for making yourself ‘feel beautiful’. But, I do hope this conversation inspires you to look for the safest ingredients you can with your beauty treatments.

More importantly, I hope it inspires you to be more intentional in your self care practices. There is so much draining us. It takes a lot to keep our cups full. And, it gets SO easy to blur the lines between ‘self care’ + ‘beauty’ services.

We need to slow down enough to see how we are being bombarded with messages that lure us into thinking self care is a beauty treatment we earn + receive. To realize the difference between the services we choose to express ourselves + the habits we establish to protect + preserve our health.

Ultimately, we need to take ownership of our own self care. The real work of protecting our boundaries, listening to ourselves, resting, filling our tanks, talking kindly to ourselves + allowing our inner beauty to thrive + shine.

See you next week?

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P.S. If you enjoyed this post, please share it using the button below. And, if you’d like to stay in touch in real time during the week, you can find me on Instagram @redefiningkaren or on Facebook @cleanbeautyadvocate.

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