How to love your aging face
Because gravity is real
Last week, I shared a rant about self-care + how we as women need to watch our backs when it comes to how we use those two words.
But, how do we separate beauty + self-care? I mean, beauty feels so good. The positive reinforcement we receive when we look good or look younger than our age is rewarding + addictive. It can even become part of our identity.
It’s easy to greet ourselves in the mirror with disappointment as we watch ourselves age. Somehow it feels like it’s our fault. Like we aren’t doing enough. That we can/should DO better. Look better. Be better. Younger.
It’s hard to look at the age on our faces. But WHY?
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GRAVITY IS REAL
As a 53-year-old woman, I am watching my body change before my very eyes. I haven’t even reached menopause yet + still, the changes are dramatic + hard to witness. Anyone else? I mean, watching my skin lose elasticity. Seeing the crepiness in my neck. Watching the natural tint in my lips disappear. The creases + lines deepen.
The changes are wild. A bit unnerving. And, that’s just my face!
Our world tells us we should fear/avoid/resist these changes. That we will no longer be needed/desired/visible when these changes take place. That we should do ALL we can to hide these changes. Reverse them. Erase them.
Honestly, I feel like it’s programmed in me. This idea to ‘stay young’. Don’t change.
CRAZY TALK
Here’s my question.
Why can’t we CELEBRATE the changes? Honor them? Revere them?
And, what would happen if we did?
What if the energy we use to resist aging, maintain a certain look + erase time - was instead spent on life itself? The things we enjoy. The people we love. The dreams we have.
What if? (Sit with that for a moment. It’s kind of mind-blowing.)
What if we had been drilled our whole lives with the idea that wrinkles + dark spots are signs of deep wisdom + worthy of reverence? What if those traits had a special + coveted place in our culture? What if aging + this stage of life was something we had been looking forward to since we were little girls?
How’s THAT for a brain tweak?
HATERS GONNA HATE
Let’s get honest for a minute. How do you talk to yourself when you see your reflection in a mirror? Is it the way you would talk to your best friend or someone you love? Or do you greet yourself with disappointment? Insult? Disdain?
Depending on the study or article you read, 80-90% of women are unhappy with the way they look. (Notice this statistic has nothing to do with aging. This is women across the board. Across generations.) So, if you are hating on yourself, you’re NOT alone! We’ve been practicing our whole lives!
Getting older gives us ONE more thing to hate on. After all, in our culture, aging is a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that we have ‘given up’. That we have ‘let ourselves go’. Aging is failure. At least up until a certain age. I’m not sure what that magic age is, but you know the one. It’s the age where old becomes ‘cute’. The age where just about anything you do having fun + being playful is adorable + admirable. (There is no shortage of viral videos featuring adorable elderly couples dancing, etc. They are the cutest! Right?)
But, what about the decades in between? That’s a lotta years of transition + energy wasted in resistance. Trying not to age. Fixing. Hiding. Covering. Shaming.
I’ve decided I don’t want to spend the next 20 years doing that. I want to honor each wrinkle as it appears. I want to embrace the bald spots (Yes, I’ve got a doozie of a bald spot on my head). I want to marvel at what my body does + how it changes.
I want to look forward to seeing myself each day. The changes. The evolution.
I will never be in my 40s again. But, I will also never be in my 50s again. So, I am going to enjoy them. And, I’m not going to spend a minute trying to freeze time. Instead, I’m going to savor the time. Respect it. And, honor the impact it has on my physical expression. Even the parts I don’t like.
These are bold statements I know. And mind you, I didn’t say it would be easy. Or that I would be successful. I’m just sharing my intention.
I want to have fun becoming that adorable old lady.
How? Well, it’s a work in progress. I’m practicing. I hope you’ll join me!
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT
{I’m channeling my inner Tina Turner now as I imagine my adorable elderly self dancing + dishing out advice with ‘What’s love got to do with it?’ playing in the background.}
I’m going to share some advice + thoughts about how to love your aging face in just a minute. But, before I do, I want to challenge the whole premise.
Do we need to love our faces? Seriously. What’s love got to do with it?
It’s a lot of pressure to tell ourselves we need to love everything about our bodies. They are imperfect. They are ever-changing. I mean - how are you supposed to love all of the reminders that time is ticking by?
I honestly don’t think it’s important that we love everything about our faces (or any other body part for that matter).
What we NEED is to love the person we see in the mirror.
There is NO LEVEL of fixing our face that is going to change the way we love ourselves because - as we all know - love does not come from there. It comes from inside. And, it has NOTHING to do with how we look.
It’s about how we FEEL + how we treat ourselves. It’s about seeing ourselves through a different filter. The same filter we place on anyone we love.
Think about someone you love - a friend, spouse, partner, child. There is nothing perfect about them - Am I right? They have all kinds of flaws. Yet, none of those flaws stops you from loving them, protecting them + wanting the best for them.
When you love someone you treat them well. You respect them. You listen to them. You appreciate them. You give them grace.
See, you already know how to use the filter! Time to turn it on yourself.
Are you ready?
HOW TO LOVE YOUR AGING FACE
This list is by no means comprehensive. It’s a starting point. Just some thoughts to throw into the mix the next time you find yourself in front of the mirror. These are things I find helpful in my life at this stage.
And please, you will see a comment button below. I would love to hear from you. What’s working well for you at the moment. How do YOU love your aging face?
ASK YOURSELF. Who cares?! Seriously. Why would any sort of wrinkle or discoloration matter? How is that hindering your life? What is the real concern? That you won’t be loved? Noticed? That you’re scared of what’s next? Be honest with yourself. Then, spend your effort on the real concern - instead of the wrinkle or sag.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF. Your eyes make great ears. Use them to listen. When I wake up in the morning, I can see how shriveled I am. But, after I move + get the blood pumping, I see my body come to life. Your skin can tell you so much about your need for rest, hydration + movement. Look closely. Listen. Give it what it needs. It will do the same for you.
TREAT YOURSELF. I believe in morning rituals. A glass of lemon water. Quiet time to read. A simple skin care regimen. A balanced breakfast. A solid sweat session (aka exercise). I do these things for myself before I let the rest of the world step into my day. These practices help me ground myself + feel cared for - which helps me bring a better version of myself to everything I do. A good morning routine will make you look better - inside + out.
HIGH FIVE YOURSELF. I shared a whole post about the high five habit. This one simple habit can change the way you look at yourself in the mirror. If you haven’t tried it - read my post. Read the book! Try it out! Be your best cheerleader. You will LOVE your high five face + your time in the mirror will become very different.
SURROUND YOURSELF. Find people that make you excited about getting old. There are some amazing women out there embracing their age. Learn from them. Listen to their advice. Read their books. Subscribe to their blogs. Follow their Instagram pages. If you want to see aging as empowering, healthy + fun, surround yourself with people who are doing it! I’ll share a few of my favorites in the resources section. I’d love to hear who you follow for inspiration.
What would you add to this list? Leave a comment! Let’s learn from each other.
YOUR MISSION:
This week, I challenge you to take some time to notice your self-talk - especially in front of the mirror. Is it criticism? Disappointment? Encouragement? Appreciation? Curiosity? Don’t judge the self-talk. Just take notice.
Is it harder to be kind to yourself as you age? Or easier?
After you leave your comment, please give this little exercise a try.
Stand in front of a mirror + imagine yourself older than you’ve ever stopped to imagine. You are blessed enough to reach your elderly years feeling good + healthy. You have become that super cute, vibrant old woman everyone wants to be one day. As you look her in the eyes, what kind words does she have for you? What does she want you to know?
RESOURCES:
READ: Jamie Lee Curtis Opens Up About Aging | Prevention
READ: Why do women hate their bodies? | PsychCentral
READ: How I made peace with my aging body | Real Simple
READ: Beauty for Life: 6 Steps to Accepting Aging | Oprah.com
READ: Do you love your aging face? | Julia Hubbel
FOLLOW: Accidental Icon, Iris Apfel, Jamie Lee Curtis
IN SUMMARY:
Learning to love yourself is a practice. There is no finish line. I feel like we spend the first half of our lives figuring out who we are. Then we spend the second half learning to love that person. The good. The bad. The ugly. And, she is forever changing. So, we have to keep finding new ways to love + accept her - even when she disappoints us.
The cool thing is - as we increase our capacity to love ourselves, we increase our capacity to give our gifts in the world. And, the more we give, the more we receive. It’s a beautiful cycle to be in. Let’s keep practicing!
See you next week?
P.S. If you enjoyed this post, please share it using the button below. And, if you’d like to stay in touch in real-time during the week, you can find me on Instagram @redefiningkaren or on Facebook @cleanbeautyadvocate.
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